molls's blog

thanks for the offer, but i'm going to have to look at myself in the mirror again

Picture 15

Yesterday I received an IM from a stranger asking me to make him a fetish film. Now, I've been thinking of offering a service where I record videos on demand for my readers with birthday wishes, practical jokes, whatever as an extra way to reach out to you and get paid for what I'm doing... but this wasn't what I was going for, per se. 

I made a little bit of a video about it last night, too:

Housekeeping

Oh, and owls are still really hot in '09. 

check your relaysh status

mike, i need to write you an open letter.

To be fair, I tried to remove these people's last names to give a sense of decency to this whole thing or whatever, 'cause God bless these people and whatever their problems are... but I don't know either one of them and I'm not sure who this Mike character is and if I know him IRLsies or if he reads Defamer or this blog or whatever. Maybe he's from Tumblr, I don't know. But either way, since everyone's quite freely expressing their feelings about your situation tonight, I feel like I need to tell you Mike (hoping you're reading this) that 1) I don't like how your friend Celene handled this publicly and 2) EASY on the Facebook relationship updates. "It's Complicated" looks creepy as it is, but when you go from "It's Complicated" to "Single", everyone knows it's cause you couldn't pull the fucking trigger. Or you got dumped, which is also embarrassing. I know this isn't high school, but let's face it: Once you hit your mid-20s and people from your childhood are having freaking weddings on The Cape, it almost gets worse then getting dumped via a note written in jelly pen after second period Italian Level 2, ya know? Suddenly you have to start handling shit more gracefully because you don't wanna lose your rep with your homies, basically. So keep that shit tight. Keep it close. You only need to touch that "save" button once in a blue moon when you meet a person that you like, KNOW IN ADVANCE that you want to make it work with... because putting it out there for everyone from your former co-workers to your second cousins to see makes you vulnerable and it sets off bells in the minds of crazies. I don't need to explain the second part of the last sentence because really awesome people already know what I mean.

Anyway, I think what I just said is all pretty fair. 

this is how we cook

My mom (drunkenly) explains using a crockpot

The other night my mom came home really drunk from a party with my step dad and she asked to make a video with me. She wanted to talk cooking in her crockpot. 

Oh, and this was her when she just came in the door:

I am the meanest daughter in the world for posting this

calendars are whack

No New Years Plans? Look at the Bigger Picture

2008: similar to child birth

The Best of 2008

I have had the year of my life and I don't remember any of it.

OK, OK. So there were great moments, like when I started doing the To Do lists at Defamer and when I met Alexis and when I fixed things with an old flame that I realized I was dumb for letting out of my life. I made a lot of big moves with my career, started some new projects that I can't wait to get off the ground in 2009 and watched my son grow from the tiniest little puppy to the strapping young man he is today. I danced on tables with Ed, cried my eyes out on a weekly basis and ate a ton of pizza. It was an above average year in every way.

Yet I am somehow incapable of putting together a year-end list that marks these highs and lows, mainly because the details have been wiped from my memory. This could be because I party a lot, but I'm leaning towards "if I was able to recall how much I went through this year I would probably need to stay in bed for a week and/or move home to my parents house and get a job waitressing."

So, I won't be able to offer you any sort of year-end round up the way I did last year with photos and music and text. BUT! I can offer you this... 365 images of me doing the stuff that made me MOLLS this year. 

Thanks for reading and for following me and my journey. It's probably going to be a really long one and I appreciate you hanging in there.

This year I will make one million dollars. 

snack attack

I potentially fucked up tonight a little bit on my whole “don’t go all bananas on your parents snacks because they are delicious and all over the place and you never normally get to gorge all day like a moose in your pajamas” thing.

It started with the whipped cream.

That was purely an accident. I forgot we even had the stuff. I went in looking for some sort of non caffeinated beverage and I stumbled across the can of deliciousness and I just kinda squirted some in my mouth. Until my mouth was completely full and almost bursting. Then I laughed and was like “OMG, that was so fat. I have to do it again just so i can laugh about it some more.” And so I did. And then I did it three more times after that.

Then I felt ashamed, so I moved on to cookies.

I got two molasses cookies because one didn’t seem like enough and three seemed excessive.

And I grabbed a clementine and a cup of tea on the way out the door for good measure.

I just stumbled across the marshmallow caramel situation above while sitting here in the office, so that had to happen.

I binged like Carnie Wilson tonight you guys. You wanna know why it was Carnie Wilson binging? Because maybe I managed to get a little baked tonight.

I saw her on Oprah say she gained most of her weight on MUNCHIES. For real. Ever since I heard that I’ve backed off the snacks because I know it’s just the ganja playing games with my mind and my tummy. While I fully intend to let myself the fuck go once I land a rich man who will fix my body with surgery at my request, I can’t let what happened to Carnie Wilson happen to me because it’s been a life-long struggle for her and like, trust me, I have enough of those already.

I have to get my period every month, too. Unless i get pregnant and then I have to try and save up for an abortion and that is just not something I need on my pig pile right now, yaknowwhatI’msaying?

good read

Check out this joint by Matt Maroon that is more or less a rebuttal to a Wall Street Journal piece that talks about the "sense of entitlement" people my age have. It's smart and on point, but pretty long so make sure you pee before you start it. 

i am jealous of myself

plum and fuchsia

...that's how cool my new sunglasses are. 

My brother and I got our first pairs of Ray Bans last Christmas. I got mine accidentally after I stole a pair off my godfather's face and he let me keep them. This year I asked for a red pair but my step dad ordered the black ones by mistake and I had to exchange them today at the mall. When I rolled up and saw this two-toned hotness, I had to make them mine. 

the clark gable of dogs

hazzing too many handsomes

awesome

an open letter to my husband

Fergie - Clumsy

Edward:

The lyrics and beat here are representative of how I feel about you.

Love, 

Molls